Often in our relationships with others we mirror what is going on in our relationship with ourselves. If we are not secure with ourselves, we will fall in love with those who do not love us. If we do not believe that we are worthy of being loved, we will not be attracted to those we are worthy of being loved. We are attracted to what we think we deserve. If we think we deserve to be punished ( even at an unconscious level) we will find someone who is destructive to us. Whatever we really feel about ourselves we tend to be reflected by our relationships. If we feel positive and good about ourselves, we will have a relationship with people who feel good about themselves and about us. We do reap what we sow. Looking for the “right” person is a case in futility. there is no one right person, except you with yourself. The secret to finding them is to be compatible with yourself. Then, the healthy people will appear. Stop having expectations about what the other person will look like and do for you. Instead, focus on what you look like, what you are, and what you will do for yourself. Enjoy your own company. Practice being okay without a relationship. It is never easy to learn Self Esteem and to practice it then when you are alone. If you cannot take care of yourself when you are alone, it will be much more difficult to learn to take care of yourself when you are involved with someone else. We do have a responsibility of what we will do for ourselves and what we will give up for the relationship. This does not have to be a negative thing for our relationship. Taking care of ourselves is a good role model for others. Relationships are about balance, not about rights and obligations. Relationships are about expansion and stimulation, not about comfort. Not about standing still or staying put. They are about allowing each other to change and letting go. The best relationships are those in both which people let each other go. We can love ourselves unconditionally and we can practice trying to love our partner unconditionally. We may never achieve this goal but we can learn from our efforts. Your partner is not in the business of always adoring you. There is no one “right” partner for you but there are plenty of good people around to have healthy relationships with. But first, you must be healthy yourself so that you are ready for a good relationship with an other.